Embracing Responsibility and the Fluidity of Life

An old, dare I say, a best friend contacted me recently from high school to get some beers and catch up. After spending every weekend together in those days, I was shocked that it had been over 8 years since our last face to face conversation. Life happens to all of us and changing priorities sneak up on all of us. It’s true what they say, “ Friends become acquaintances, acquaintances become strangers. “

So we met up.

There is a certain unity of self that only happens when seeing a strong influence of your past interactions with your present. What you were standing next to what you are. We all hope that during these moments of self-reflection while missing the embrace of childhood protection, we’re proud of the growth we’ve achieved. There is such a strong potential for personal growth and reflection in these moments. Billy Joel comes to mind.

“And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives with our respective similarities. Its either sadness or euphoria”

Billy Joel. Summer, Highland Falls

With that growth comes a difference in an investment of both energy and time. People grow apart. The subtle transitions away from those once closest to us over time sting most due to that subtlety. One day they’re there and the next day? Gone.

The schism between us widened by our different trajectories. Through our conversation, he juxtaposed his life lulled in front of a monitor with a grandiose online persona. Like many, he finds solace in an online world. This is what initially bonded us years ago; days spent roaming vibrant virtual cityscapes. Get two old friends with nothing in common anymore and you are guaranteed a crash course on the past. During this, he looks me with a hint of dejection and says, “I’m still waiting for life to give me the same chance it gave everyone else.”

After that, the rest of the evening was uneventful. We planned to meet up when I was in town again knowing it was a pleasantry more than anything. Saudade at its’ finest. His quote though reminded me of what we are seeing everywhere. We are seeing the torch of responsibility passing from the internal to the external. There are many implications to this. Instead of embracing adversity and choosing growth, people aren’t growing anymore. Less adversity breeds less resilience which creates individuals that are easily shattered. Why would someone choose this and how can we combat this change in ourselves?

What People Get Wrong About Zen and the Law of Attraction

Ten years ago, I began facing down my first truly overwhelming bouts of anxiety. I was beginning to wrestle with the modern-day question of why I wasn’t successful when I had checked all the boxes. I know now that my life did not match my core values but “me” then was an anxious mess. In an effort to help, a friend gifted me a copy of The Secret. This was my introduction to the Law of Attraction.

The Law of Attraction states the universe will grant you that which you focus on the most. By envisioning everything you want, the universe will match that energy by giving it back in some form. Like attracts like. This is the foundation of all those online marketing moguls who try and convince you to not have a Plan B. By thinking you need a plan B, you are letting the universe know you are not fully confident in Plan A. These ideas can be damning and irresponsible if people riding survivorship bias are telling you how things “are.”

This paradigm is not new. Even the Bible quotes:

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

Mark 11:24. KJV Bible

With that mindset, many new Zen practitioners hand the reigns of their lives over to chance and the Universe’s whim. The mindset shift of these Zen Creators takes life from dynamic to static quickly. While we cannot control everything life throws at us, we must retain that sense of self-responsibility to deal with what we’re given. What is your role if all is done for you?

When the world “betrays” you and doesn’t return your energy, like my friend above, what hope do you have? If a mindset relies fully on the universe and you are not getting what you want, only two avenues remain — escapism and depression. We see both are very common in today’s youth; a corollary of shifting responsibility away from one’s self. The antidote to this escapism will always be choosing your responsibility and pursuing it.

The Law carries its merits though. If the Law forces someone to focus on what they truly want and voraciously pursue it, their quality of life most likely goes up. That sense of confirmation creates a feedback loop where one then focuses on the next important ideal. Ironically, many times the Law gets the recognition when that resulted from your specific and focused actions.

All paradigms have inherent pros and cons. By keeping an open mind and adopting the pros of new or conflicting paradigms, we mature and flourish. Some pros to take away here are:

1. Have a Direct Focus. Always know where you’re headed and that it aligns with your core values. Any definition of success won’t fall in your lap. Which brings up number 2.
2. Work is a Non-Negotiable: To move trajectories requires work. Many only relate work to their career and hobbies but it applies to all things. Being a better husband and father takes constant focus and work. Too often, we only work on the failing parts of our lives. This is similar to only watering dying plants. Without nourishment, even the most vibrant parts of our life will wilt. If you value and work towards something, you will move towards it.
3. Embrace Fluidity: While you move towards your goal, allow life to happen. So much stress comes from an expectation that life must be a certain way and we must be that way now. By embracing the fluidity of life, you can relish in the beauty of your life as it is while not being exactly where you desire. Movement is enough.

The laughing Buddha is not a Zen icon by happenstance. The Buddha smiles because the ego has been destroyed and she remains present in the now. Instead of applying Zen as a way to cope as a “helpless victim” of our universe, it can give us peace through the realization that we have infinite possibilities — and we’ll be O.K. in all of them. We release a massive burden from our lives by accepting this fact. Zen is freedom — not a prison. So do not wait for the universe to gift wrap your ideal life; go out and make it happen.

Originally published at https://workingmanszen.com on September 14, 2020.